That was the first night after our married life when we slept in separate rooms. All the night I could not sleep as only one thing the fate of me if Sultan is HIV positive was churning my brain. I was also sure that Sultan too remained restless all that night.
Next day when we reached to the ICTC {integrated counselling and test center for HIV and AIDS} doctor immediately call Sultan in her chamber and requested me to sit outside. After five minutes doctor also called me in her chamber. Sultan was sitting there with a white face. One glimpse of his face was enough to tell me that his test for HIV was positive.
Suddenly I felt that I was just to faint. But I have to face that cruel disclosure so I sat near Sultan silently. Nobody broke the ice for several minutes when at last Doctor told me that the disease of Aids had treatment and the Quality of life can be improved with the treatment.With proper treatment people living with HIV can live up-to ten to fifteen years. Means doctor was indirectly telling that Sultan was HIV positive .
Then I asked directly about the test report. She told me that Sultan was tested Positive for HIV. and then she inquired about the sexual contacts between us . I told doctor that mostly we were using Condom but also doing sex without Condom in the 'safe Period' of my cycles . Doctor advised me too to give a blood sample. After my signing of an 'Informed Consent'. Doctor told me if I was HIV negative in the first test then my next test would be done after three months. We both did as doctor advised to do.
In between the way we remained silent. After reaching home I blamed Sultan that he was knowing about his disease even before our marriage but he politely refused it. We quarreled on this issue for some time. And reached office separately, a rare incident after marriage. I could not work properly that day. I was regularly thinking about our fate. Suddenly my happy married life had turned into a hell and at least I was feeling the wrath of it. No argument of Sultan could convince me that he was innocent and infection entered his body through blood transfusion.
Next day I was declared negative to the test.It was a surprise to me. How it was possible? We regularly made sexual contact without the protection of Nirodh. I asked the doctor about this. She told me that it was Possible, as the chances of HIV transmission through sexual contact was only one percent. It meant that if an HIV positive person would make contact with one hundred person the chances are that HE or SHE will transmit it to one person. Doctor told me that there are 95 percent chances of HIV transmission through infected blood {infected with HIV} transfusion. Doctor councelled us [POST TEST COUNSELLING]. She said that I was safe to live with Sultan we can do every thing together under same roof , we can use same utensils , can share same bed and same toilets.We can hug each other can kiss each other.....meant can do every thing as before but should do sex with a condom . Doctor advised Sultan for CD4 {a type of blood test} count to be performed for the treatment of the disease. She advised him to take more nutritious food, exercise [as exercise improves immunity] regularly. She advised Sultan to visit ICTC at least every month. Then the doctor requested Sultan to wait outside and told me that now it was my responsibility to keep Sultan cheerful and out of 'intrinsic' stigma [ Intrinsic stigma is that stigma which arises from inside and it is like inferiority complex.] as he feels guilty complex. I asked her How we could have a baby when we have to use condom whole life. She advised me for IVF [in vitro fertilization] could solve our problem or we could adopt a baby. I asked the doctor how the infected blood was transfused to Sultan.
She told that five years back there were no provisions for screening blood for HIV.Later it became necessary. Moreover if donor of blood or body tissues or organs is having a recent infection of HIV he or she might be in window period means His or Her blood would be tested negative for HIV but HE or SHE still might transmit HIV infection to the recipient of blood. .
After reaching home that day I was a little relaxed as I was not having HIV infection. But another big question was for our future life . For the rest of the life of Sultan. And first I had to investigate whether Sultan was telling a truth that he was transfused blood five years back. Only then it was to be decided that we were going to live under same roof.
Next day I took a leave from my office and reached the hospital where Sultan told me that he was transfused blood. After one hour of study of their old record one of the hospital person told me that Sultan was right. He actually was transfused blood as he was bleeding profusely from his nostrils. His nasal bone was fractured . From there I reached to my mother's home. I told her each and every thing in detail . She immediately advised me for a divorce. She blamed Sultan that he was knowing about his disease before marriage and on this bases I could get divorce. But I was mentally not in a position to take a decision.
I returned home and started thinking with a very cool brain.I could live with Sultan but How it was possible to make sexual contact with a person which was having HIV infection even when we were using condom? How long he was going to live? Should we adopt a baby? In IVF technique doctors will use the sperms of a person other than Sultan? MAA was advising about divorce? But how could I do that when to marry Sultan was my decision? No body forced me to marry Sultan not even the sultan. And if I was HIV positive and Sultan was HIV negative then in that position Sultan giving divorce to me was correct ? How could I leave Sultan now when he was needing me most? But I was still HIV negative and young and could marry again easily.
Sultan returned from office. I told him that I went to the hospital and he was telling a truth. Sultan sat near me and hugged me and said that he was going to a lawyer next day and was asking him to prepare papers of divorce . Then I told him about the same advice of my Maa. Sultan advised me to think over it peacefully and to take appropriate time for it.
I thought it peacefully several days and reached on the decision that I was not going for divorce to Sultan. More over we would have our own baby, No IVF no adoption. In the process if I got the HIV infection it hardly matters to me. When I and Sultan decided to marry we took an oath that we would remain inseparable there after whatever might be the circumstances. This tiny virus should not dent our promises made to each other.
Next day we went to the ICTC center . CD4 cont was 410/cubic cc and there was no need to start 'ANTIRETROVIRAL' treatment immediately. I told the doctor that we are going to have a baby of our own , and no IVF no adoption. What are the chances of baby being HIV Negative or Positive. She told us that if we took every precaution even there are about 2 percent chances of getting infection by the baby.
We both re think about it . Sultan was opposed even to had sexual relations without condom as it may infect me. But I was adamant to have a baby of my own. So Sultan agreed only to have sexual relations without condom till i was pregnant.
We had unprotected sex up to three months when my next test for HIV was scheduled . I went to the ICTC center for HIV test . My blood sample was taken after 'Informed Consent'. In the way to home I also Gave a urine sample for Pregnancy test as I missed a date of my period.
Next day I alone went to collect my both test reports as Sultan had to go to a nearby city for official work. Both of my reports were Positive I was pregnant as well as HIV Positive. It was shocking to me. But the decision was mine . I had to live with this infection life long. But what about the baby. Let Sultan come. I waited for Sultan very eagerly . But he did not come.The news of his death came. His car got an accident when he was returning home . He died on the spot.
To be continued...........
Blogger Labels: Part,life,rooms,fate,Sultan,brain,ICTC,doctor,chamber,glimpse,disclosure,Nobody,
disease,treatment,Means,Positive,contacts,Condom,Period,Consent,marriage,office,
incident,hell,wrath,argument,infection,protection,Nirodh,Possible,chances,transmission,
person,POST,TEST,roof,utensils,food,stigma,Intrinsic,Later,Moreover,donor,recipient,
truth,hospital,From,decision,Should,technique,doctors,lawyer,papers,advice,adoption,
oath,virus,ANTIRETROVIRAL,Negative,precaution,Pregnancy,reports,Both,news,death,
accident,cycles,bases,five,sexual,blood,three,months,transfusion
Hi Please do not Spam Comment